


Can't Be Helped

by fabre



Category: Tales of the Abyss
Genre: Drama, Longing, M/M, POV Second Person, Pre-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-11-30
Updated: 2009-11-30
Packaged: 2017-10-10 00:39:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 506
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/93355
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fabre/pseuds/fabre
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There are certain things that you can't help doing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Can't Be Helped

There are certain things that you can't help doing.

_Watching, yearning, longing._

No matter how many times you catch yourself staring, watching him out there, you can't stop it.

_The way his hair reflects the sun, the color of his eyes, the subtle movement of muscles as he carries something across the backyard._

Sometimes you wonder if he notices. He's always smiling at you. Is that because he knows something you don't, or because he's just like that? You suspect it's the former, and the possibility makes your stomach stir.

_Why won't he tell you if he knows? He's the one who taught you everything, so why not this?_

You don't understand what it means when your stomach twists itself into knots every time he sits nearby, or when he touches you, when he watches you for too long. You don't know why it happens, so you hate it, just like you hate everything you don't understand.

_There are far too many things you don't understand._

As you grow older it doesn't get any better. Not understanding only serves to frustrate you, which leads to pointless fights which you are pretty sure you started just so you could have an excuse to walk out of the room and go deal with your thoughts on your own.

_Sometimes you picture him coming after you and questioning you on your attitude, and sometimes he even pushes you against a wall and suddenly your breath is catching and you don't understand, you don't, but you want to because you have this nagging feeling that you're missing out on something huge, something you want and that's right within your reach but you can't, you can't reach it, don't know how to. But you crave it so much._

He forgives you because he's him and he's always forgiven you, and you aren't sure why but you kind of wish he wouldn't so he would stop calling it a "teenager fit", wish he would get mad at you like older people do when they say or do something stupid.

_You are not a kid anymore, and you don't know why you're so desperate to show him that, but as you grow older the urge to test him gets stronger, to push him past his limit so you can chase after him and push **him** against the wall and so you can—_

"Luke?"

You blink when he calls your name, and you realize there's a light flush on his cheeks and that you've probably just been caught staring. Your throat dries up and it takes you a moment to come up with a response. You cover up the delay by standing up and jumping over the railing that separates you from him.

"Hey, let's go train."

He watches you in what you read as slight puzzlement, probably trying to figure you out, but after a moment he simply smiles in that way he always does and the moment is over and you're back to your usual script.

You can't help feeling slightly disappointed.


End file.
